and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize