the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he fucked my hip out of place.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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