My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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