Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
