We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
