Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
