And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize