Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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