There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
there is glitter all over my balls
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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