i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
