her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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