everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
