Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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