i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
