So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
