Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
