I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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