Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
