I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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