I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
