You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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