So drunk its hurt
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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