Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
