i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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