i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize