That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize