youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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