we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
