Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
