Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
