Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
