You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
