I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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