Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
