i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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