omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
