Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
