my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
