He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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