You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
