Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
