peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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