I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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