Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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