Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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