Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
