Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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