Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize