She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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