Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
