remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
