put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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