you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
