I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
