I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
