I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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