My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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