you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she pinky promised me she was 18
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Mom said you looked used
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
