Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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