I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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