So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize