I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
