He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize