did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
