Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
