So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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