We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
