At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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