You just made me feel so damn special
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
