i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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